Jay unexpectedly walked into Fairfax Gymnastics (in Northern Virginia) in the spring of 2000, looking for a coaching job. After a few weeks of wondering "where did this guy come from and why would he want to coach here?", we were told that he was here to stay and we were counting our lucky stars. He spent two years creating a wonderful program and shaping the future gymnastic careers of this young team, including my son Zachary's. In the summer of 2001, we welcomed him into our home, and into our hearts. He needed a place to stay, and as the owner of the gym said to me, " he needed someone to keep him out of trouble." For those of you who knew him well, you know that being Jay's "protector"was an impossible and foolish task, but one that many of us easily fell into with naive ambition and dedication. We had a wonderful summer. Jay's son spent most of the summer with us as well and my two son's became three...(then four if you count Jay!) After gym practice, we spent hours at the pool, swimming, playing volleyball, tennis, and diving (boy was he good at that!). Jay had a natural talent for just about every sport (except golf!... he must be laughing right now) He was a master ping-pong player. My older son Stephen joined the diving team, the tennis team, still plays volleyball and actually beat Jay ONCE or TWICE in a game of ping-pong. JR and Stephen learned to play chess with Jay's coaching. Of course Zachary loved gymnastics! He admired Jay so much, and focused hard on listening and learning from him. I watched this amazing man share his passion for life with his son and our boys. He really was a gifted teacher. He had a mind for details and artistry and an exhuberance that was contageous. A big kid at heart, he was happiest when he was teaching and sharing what he knew.
His jokes were so silly! His personality was infectious, and he loved to be outdoors. We often went to Great Falls to climb the rocks and watch the hawks soar. His favorite place in our home was on the back deck, where he could look over the yard and trees, and play his boombox. He was really into music and we spent many nights listening and talking about music and beyond... We bought an oversized umbrella so we could sit in the rain and stay relatively dry. Being the "neatnik" that he was, he reorganized the deck furniture and put all my flower planters and pots in one corner, where they will always remain. We have so many happy memories of that summer...
Jay found a place to live near the gym and moved out in late September. He coached the team through another successful season, but by the spring of 2002, he had lost his coaching job and his self-respect to alchoholism. I had failed terribly at being "The Protector". He desperately needed help battling his addiction, and my husband and I realized that we could no longer help him. We got him on a waiting list for a residential treatment program called New Beginnings and he entered the program in June. It was a 3 month detox program that was designed to help him rebuild his self-esteem, and give him tools that he could use to take control of his life. My husband and I met with the counselors several times during his stay and would bring him care packages and lots of encouragement. He graduated with "flying colors" and completed the program in 10 weeks...
His demons were greater than all the love he found in his life. He struggled with pain that none of us could understand, and as much as he loved us all...he could not accept that love for himself. He never took control of his life, he never overcame his addictions. He worked so hard to re-established himself as a coach, over and over again, only to lose it and have to start over. In the end his well ran dry. He couldn't find the strength and courage to live through another cycle of losing what he loved. He was done with rehab, he was done with starting over, he was tired of proving himself , he was tired of hurting the people he loved, he was tired of starting another chapter that would ultimately end in another mess.... "I'm done" he said.
He taught my family about forgiveness, about not judging others, how to pick yourself up when you're down, how to focus hard, and never stop trying. He showed us that nothing is black and white. "Don't be a Knucklehead", "Point your toes", "Practice, Practice, Practice!", "Visualize"...and above all else love yourself.
The picture I posted is my favorite picture of Jay. He is confident, content and happy, with his buddy Zach. I know he is at peace. That is how I will always remember him.
2 comments:
Thank you for shining a light on Jay's life before Alaska. It's so good to know how fondly he is remembered by people who also loved him and who tried their best to help. Bless you forever.
I only knew Jay as a young boy who was a good friend of my son, Rick. We lived on the same cul-de-sac in Thunder Hill (Columbia MD). He spent a lot of time at our house, sleep-overs, etc., and was really quite a lovable little imp. Though we had loss touch over the years, we learned of his talents in gymnastics and soccer. We were happy for his success and proud to have known him. We were totally unaware of his addiction demons. We hope he is at peace now in a better place. I am glad we had the opportunity to know him for a short while as a little boy. RIP, Jay. Mrs. Peters
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