More What Happened to Jay Rivera
Anyone who has a sincere interest in what happened at my home on Tuesday has only to read my comment: Number 21--What Happened to Jay Rivera. This is a follow up.
Remember, folks, that the greatest angels are always assailed by the worst demons.
The news media on this was very inept, perhaps because all this happened after 3 p.m. in the afternoon. There were misquotes and mistakes and a lot of fumbles, which just added to the pain.
For example, Jay was NOT on welfare. The phrase "welfare check" means that the troopers came to check on his welfare.
Jay never fired at the police. He fired at the ground, but the police had to assume that at any second he might fire at them or at someone else, therefore, they had to take him down. Which is what he wanted.
I personally wish that we all had had the foresight and good sense to equip and train our law enforcement units in humane capture methods. This is not the first time in history that this situation has arisen. We should have better answers. We use dart guns on wounded lions.
That said, I was there, and to the best of my knowledge, Jay Rivera knew what he was doing, and he willfully chose this outcome.
I have problems with it, because I always choose life and Jay chose death. Most people from the Judeo-Christian tradition will feel that way, but when I think about it, many cultures have seen it otherwise. The Japanese, for example, practiced hari-kari into the 20th century. The ancient Romans. Modern Buddhists.
It shouldn't seem so strange or inexplicable in the whole context of human experience. It's just that we loved the man so much, that it is hard to understand how he could lose all hope, how such a buoyant spirit could plunge to such depths of pain. That's the scary part. How could he not love himself, when so many other people did?
Jay spent 550 days at my kitchen table. That's more than enough time to discuss a great many things. We discussed death quite a bit after his December 2006 suicide attempt. He viewed death as "an option", in his words, much as a Roman general or a Samurai would.
And the reasons for it in his mind were much the same--dishonor. Dishonor to himself and dishonor to his sport.
Although many people in the sport of gymnastics knew about his problems with alcohol, the idea of being publically sanctioned and not allowed to take part in competitive coaching brought it home to him.
My husband was misquoted in the Daily News article. Jay wasn't suicidal "all day". He got up that morning in a very cheerful and happy mood. He scuttled about running errands. At noon, we went suntanning. The only thing that wasn't right, was that he was wearing a red t-shirt and a red baseball cap. And he never wore red.
I should have known somehow that he was making himself a good target, but I didn't. I should have remembered from "Shogun", that the Japanese traditionally smile as the knife sinks in and their honor is restored. I surely knew that Roman generals gave away coins to the poor and had a big party before they fell on their swords.
But I, and most of you, come from a different tradition, a Judeo-Christian tradition that values life almost above all else, and we have grown up with only a passing nod for "honor". Jay was different in that respect, maybe because in the throes of his addiction, he so often did and said things he sincerely regretted. He told me that he "deserved" to be red flagged and sanctioned as a coach under the new USGA rules and I know he contemplated that self-evaluation deeply.
Why did Jay do this? Maybe because he could not, in his own mind, ever do anything that would restore his honor and allow him to coach competitively again. And that was what gave meaning to his life. The USGA didn't publish any terms or conditions by which a coach who had been "red flagged" could redeem himself. I think they should have.
I think they still should, even though it is too late for Jay.
Human values are a tricky thing. They invite all sorts of judgements that we wind up regretting in the end. When we walk a mile in the other person's moccasins the world looks so much different.
All Jay's mistakes, all his bad choices, all his fears, all his miseries, we share in one way or another. We've seen them all before, in ourselves or someone else. There's no reason for finger-pointing or self-righteousness or blame. There's nothing here to comment on, if it can't be commented on with love, because any arrow of condemnation or fault that can be aimed at Jay Rivera comes home to our shared human heart.
Why not say a prayer? Just a simple blessing on a life that is over and a man who did much good despite his addiction to alcohol.
And why not get on the USGA and at least debate the idea of a redemption clause? Some way that a man like Jay could win back his credentials?
Anna von Reitz
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