#1 Jay and a dozen little girls in "leos" were walking from the beams to the floor. One 5 year old, who was particularly fond of Jay, grabbed his arm as they walked then began to hang on it. He glanced down at her and said "do a pullover." She looked at him quizzically. He held out his forearm and repeated "On my arm. Do a pullover on my arm." She grabbed his forearm with both hands, did a pullover and finished perched on his arm like a parrot with a huge grin. Then he said, "Now cast to handstand." So she did as all the "hotshots" watched in amazement as he carried her around the floor in a handstand on his arm.
#2 Once my daughter and I sat down to watch my son's class. Jay walked up to her and gave her permission to go on the equipment to get some extra practice. She replied sadly that she wasn't wearing her leo. Jay answered her, while smiling at me, "Just ask your mom to buy you one." (There is a cabinet full of leotards for sale by the front door.) Then he explained that she needed an "emergency leo" to keep in the vehicle at all times in case she ever got the chance to practice. Thanks to Jay, Nicole got a new "emergency leo" that day, the beginning of an ever-growing collection!
#3 Saturday Hotshots classes are strength training made fun with races and competitions between the girls. Most of the girls are very self-driven and competitive, but the youngest little girl - just 4 at the time - often dreaded these activities. One competition required two girls to get on either end of the parallel bars facing each other and hold positions above the bars as long as they could. Whoever came below the bar was eliminated from the game and had to sit on one mat while the winner went to the opposite mat to continue on to the next round. There was an odd number of girls, so the youngest was left with no one to compete against. So Jay shouted, "I'll compete against you, Alana." In one fluid movement, he grabbed the bar, hit the position, then let go. He made a huge slapping sound as he hit the mat below startling everyone in the gym. Laughter erupted. Round after round, Jay's falls grew crazier and more dramatic as Alana giggled while holding her positions.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Burial Service for Jay Rivera, April 18, 2008
The sky was blue and the weather was perfect in West Texas
Trees and flowers were in bloom after rain had fallen on Thursday.
JR, his mother Sandra, Ben, Tiffany ,and Justin, Jay's uncle Philip, and his father Paul attended.
The Baptist minister reminded us that Jesus accepted Jay and that he was at peace with Him.
The Twenty-third Psalm offered all comfort.
Paul read a portion of the 1914 poem, The Fallen, traditional at veteran's memorials.
He shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary him, nor the years memory dim.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember him.
Rest in peace, son.
Posted by Paul Rivera
Trees and flowers were in bloom after rain had fallen on Thursday.
JR, his mother Sandra, Ben, Tiffany ,and Justin, Jay's uncle Philip, and his father Paul attended.
The Baptist minister reminded us that Jesus accepted Jay and that he was at peace with Him.
The Twenty-third Psalm offered all comfort.
Paul read a portion of the 1914 poem, The Fallen, traditional at veteran's memorials.
He shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary him, nor the years memory dim.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember him.
Rest in peace, son.
Posted by Paul Rivera
Friday, April 18, 2008
Today
Today, in Amarillo, Texas, near to his son, Jay Rivera was buried. I have thought about him all day, remembering his many virtues, the joy and positive energy he brought into our lives. It's a very strange feeling, so much happiness and so much grief combined --but I know that he would be amused and find it fitting. The bitter with the sweet, the despair of the sublime, and the thorns of roses all come to mind.
Sending Our Love to You...
To Jay's family:
We wish we could be there for Jay's funeral today to let you know how much we care. We miss him. Thank you for sharing your pictures of your family and for comforting us with your kind words. We hope to do the same for you. Our thoughts and love are with you today as you celebrate and remember Jay.
We wish we could be there for Jay's funeral today to let you know how much we care. We miss him. Thank you for sharing your pictures of your family and for comforting us with your kind words. We hope to do the same for you. Our thoughts and love are with you today as you celebrate and remember Jay.
Monday, April 14, 2008
In a man's words
Last night, upon returning home from the Celebration of Life, I wondered out loud why Jay's death had upset me so much, more than some of my own relatives passing. I suggested a few possibilities, then my husband offered his own suggestion.
(Anyone who has met my husband knows that he is a man of few words. So when he speaks, folks usually listen.)
"Jay was part of our life and part of our future. As parents we plan our lives around the needs and talents of our children, and Jay was an integral part of that future. So our daily lives have changed and we feel the effects strongly."
I began to mourn that future without Jay, but he stopped me.
"Jay is gone. So we need to pass on the love that we have for him to his son. Every boy needs to be proud of his father. Especially with the events surrounding Jay's death, we should leave JR in no doubt that his father was a great man. He has a lot to be proud of."
Then he walked out of the room.
(Anyone who has met my husband knows that he is a man of few words. So when he speaks, folks usually listen.)
"Jay was part of our life and part of our future. As parents we plan our lives around the needs and talents of our children, and Jay was an integral part of that future. So our daily lives have changed and we feel the effects strongly."
I began to mourn that future without Jay, but he stopped me.
"Jay is gone. So we need to pass on the love that we have for him to his son. Every boy needs to be proud of his father. Especially with the events surrounding Jay's death, we should leave JR in no doubt that his father was a great man. He has a lot to be proud of."
Then he walked out of the room.
Jay, Thank You!
Dear Jay,
Thank you for working with Emily this last year. I know at times you thought the private lessons weren't helping; but in reality, Tyson and I saw a great improvement in Emily's gymnastics. You helped her to overcome her fear of the vault table, back walkovers on beam, and giants on strap bars. Emily's back handspring still needs fixing, but you were the first coach to get her to put her feet together- even if it was for just a couple of attempts. And she will get it right! You were the first to spot Emily's back walkover on high beam and to encourage her to try it on her own. You were also the first person to push her over into a giant and made it fun when she knew you were tricking her into it. I really wish you were here to continue the journey for Emily. We were really looking forward to your being her level 6 coach next season. But since that's not possible, I can just look to the future knowing what a positive impact you had on our family.
I enjoyed sitting on the bench almost everyday with you, hearing your funny jokes and seeing how you interacted with the kids. I'm really proud of you for working on skills with the children in the gym who weren't even in class. They were there waiting hours for their siblings- you were there making better gymnasts of them. Thank you for caring! Thank you for being an inspiration to our family. You mean alot to us.
In your honor, Emily and I purchased two new joke books. We're already practicing them at our house. Expect many corney jokes in the days to come. Last night we came across one you used to share...
Thank you for working with Emily this last year. I know at times you thought the private lessons weren't helping; but in reality, Tyson and I saw a great improvement in Emily's gymnastics. You helped her to overcome her fear of the vault table, back walkovers on beam, and giants on strap bars. Emily's back handspring still needs fixing, but you were the first coach to get her to put her feet together- even if it was for just a couple of attempts. And she will get it right! You were the first to spot Emily's back walkover on high beam and to encourage her to try it on her own. You were also the first person to push her over into a giant and made it fun when she knew you were tricking her into it. I really wish you were here to continue the journey for Emily. We were really looking forward to your being her level 6 coach next season. But since that's not possible, I can just look to the future knowing what a positive impact you had on our family.
I enjoyed sitting on the bench almost everyday with you, hearing your funny jokes and seeing how you interacted with the kids. I'm really proud of you for working on skills with the children in the gym who weren't even in class. They were there waiting hours for their siblings- you were there making better gymnasts of them. Thank you for caring! Thank you for being an inspiration to our family. You mean alot to us.
In your honor, Emily and I purchased two new joke books. We're already practicing them at our house. Expect many corney jokes in the days to come. Last night we came across one you used to share...
Will you remember me tomorrow?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a week?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a month?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a year?
Yes.
KNOCK KNOCK!
Who's there?
Forgotten me already?
Jay, not a chance! We will remember you for a lifetime! And then we hope to see you again! We will always be your friend.
Love, Karen and family
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Simple Virtues
So, you say this blog is not about Robert and Brenda Davilla. But it is about them, because they loved Jay, and today, they opened the gym and their hearts and with all the grace of heroes, they led a celebration of life. Jay's life. We all had a chance to meet each other and for his sake and because of his life and what he meant to each and all, to remember and to grieve and to share. When we are wounded, the cells connect one by one....
Here we are, together. United by one life that touched all of us.
I listened and I shared and most of all, I loved all the people who came. I loved them for being there, and I knew that they always were there for Jay, too.
For those who weren't able to be there, I shared a chunk of my life---the time that I died. I was eighteen, in the fullest of good health, and suddenly, mysteriously, in the night, a raging infection took over my body. An air sack in my lungs had exploded, leaving my body cavity open to infection. Within hours, a lethal build up of toxic gases accumulated and minutes after my college roommate tearfully brought my body into the emergency room at the University of Wisconsin Hospital, I died.
I rose out of my body, like a million tiny bubbles rising in a glass of soda pop, all coalescing into my recognizable self, hovering, cloud-like above the ER drama taking place below. It felt wonderful and I was not the least concerned. I knew that I had had this same experience many times before and I wasn't frightened. The word "death" didn't mean anything, but this gentle change of perspective, almost like diving under the surface of the water and seeing a different world. And what a world! A world without pain or guilt or fear. A world in which the only law was love. Unimaginable, boundless love, love that was inexhaustible, eternal, and absolute---NO MATTER WHAT.
From that moment on, and forever after, I have known "what love means". Remember the movie Forrest Gump? Remember when Forrest says, "I know what love means"?----Like that. No matter what. That is what awaits each one of us. Acceptance and love without any limit at all, love in spite of all our sins, all our weaknesses, and all our might-have-beens.
I have often thought of it and tried to translate it, tried to explain how it felt, what it meant, and how it changed my life. I'll leave it to each one of you to understand with your hearts ---each one of us is loved, cherished, and accepted as is. I had my glimpse of that "far country" and I know that when Jay ducked through the veil, he realized many things, but most of all, he realized that he was loved unconditionally.
Love--no matter what. That can be whether you are smart or dumb, rich or poor, fat or slim, ugly or beautiful---alive or dead. Love doesn't care. And neither should we. I have a little silver prayer charm that Jay gave me. It says "Love" on one side, and on the other side, is an inscribed heart. I hold it in my hand and pray for him each day and I will pray for him the rest of my life.
Pray for what? For his soul to be healed, for all the empty places to be filled, for his joy to be complete, for his future to be unfettered by pain or addiction, fear, or lack of anything. I pray that he will be reunited with those who love him, and that he will be able to do all the many things he wanted to do.
Last week I spoke of the fact that Jay always saw his faults looming so much larger than his virtues. This week, let's put the reverse on that. Remember one of his virtues for him. Recall it clearly and appreciate it, in him, and in others. While we are on it, why not make the effort to see our own virtues and the virtues of those closest to us? Like Robert and Brenda's great virtue and kindness to us all, in making such a wonderful celebration of life possible.
Here we are, together. United by one life that touched all of us.
I listened and I shared and most of all, I loved all the people who came. I loved them for being there, and I knew that they always were there for Jay, too.
For those who weren't able to be there, I shared a chunk of my life---the time that I died. I was eighteen, in the fullest of good health, and suddenly, mysteriously, in the night, a raging infection took over my body. An air sack in my lungs had exploded, leaving my body cavity open to infection. Within hours, a lethal build up of toxic gases accumulated and minutes after my college roommate tearfully brought my body into the emergency room at the University of Wisconsin Hospital, I died.
I rose out of my body, like a million tiny bubbles rising in a glass of soda pop, all coalescing into my recognizable self, hovering, cloud-like above the ER drama taking place below. It felt wonderful and I was not the least concerned. I knew that I had had this same experience many times before and I wasn't frightened. The word "death" didn't mean anything, but this gentle change of perspective, almost like diving under the surface of the water and seeing a different world. And what a world! A world without pain or guilt or fear. A world in which the only law was love. Unimaginable, boundless love, love that was inexhaustible, eternal, and absolute---NO MATTER WHAT.
From that moment on, and forever after, I have known "what love means". Remember the movie Forrest Gump? Remember when Forrest says, "I know what love means"?----Like that. No matter what. That is what awaits each one of us. Acceptance and love without any limit at all, love in spite of all our sins, all our weaknesses, and all our might-have-beens.
I have often thought of it and tried to translate it, tried to explain how it felt, what it meant, and how it changed my life. I'll leave it to each one of you to understand with your hearts ---each one of us is loved, cherished, and accepted as is. I had my glimpse of that "far country" and I know that when Jay ducked through the veil, he realized many things, but most of all, he realized that he was loved unconditionally.
Love--no matter what. That can be whether you are smart or dumb, rich or poor, fat or slim, ugly or beautiful---alive or dead. Love doesn't care. And neither should we. I have a little silver prayer charm that Jay gave me. It says "Love" on one side, and on the other side, is an inscribed heart. I hold it in my hand and pray for him each day and I will pray for him the rest of my life.
Pray for what? For his soul to be healed, for all the empty places to be filled, for his joy to be complete, for his future to be unfettered by pain or addiction, fear, or lack of anything. I pray that he will be reunited with those who love him, and that he will be able to do all the many things he wanted to do.
Last week I spoke of the fact that Jay always saw his faults looming so much larger than his virtues. This week, let's put the reverse on that. Remember one of his virtues for him. Recall it clearly and appreciate it, in him, and in others. While we are on it, why not make the effort to see our own virtues and the virtues of those closest to us? Like Robert and Brenda's great virtue and kindness to us all, in making such a wonderful celebration of life possible.
Letter from Jay's Father
April 10, 2008
Dear Excel Gymnasts, Parents, and Friends of My Son, Jay:
As you celebrate the life of Jay Rivera, your coach and my son, I want to tell you how much your kind and thoughtful words and actions these past few weeks have meant to me and my family. For us as for you, this has been a most difficult time as we seek to understand and accept the tragic end to his life. We all ask ourselves “why”? The simple but hard-to-accept answer is that the problems that plagued the final years of Jay’s life became too much for him to deal with any longer.
But rather than dwell on this personal tragedy, I would have you focus on celebrating the joy in his life. My son loved gymnastics; from the moment the barely-four-year-old boy asked his older sister’s dance and gymnastic coach if he could try tricks the class had just demonstrated for admiring parents, to the day he led his University of Illinois, Chicago Men’s Gymnastics team to victory and achieved a life-time best all-around score, to that time on Saturday, March 22, 2008 when his Excel Boys Team won the Alaska State Championship, my son loved gymnastics. As an adult, this was transformed into a love for teaching gymnastics to beginner classes and competitive teams. He found his joy and fulfillment in teaching gymnastics. My family and I would like to thank you for being an important part of this dimension of his life.
As a teacher, I believe that there are some lessons to be learned from Jay’s experiences. I would like you to take away from your time with my son, the example he gave you about loving what you do and doing your best at it. But, you should also learn from Jay’s life that poor choices can have tragic consequences. I am certain that he never thought that the choices he made as a teenager or young adult would lead him to such a sad end.
My family and I have read the many positive comments posted on the “In Memory of Coach Jay” website as well those found on local newspaper internet sites. Your words have provided solace in our time of sorrow. They have reminded us that despite his problems he had found good friends in Alaska. And they have helped us recall the many happy memories we have of Jay. Thank you for your kindnesses.
Gratefully,
Paul R. Rivera
Dear Excel Gymnasts, Parents, and Friends of My Son, Jay:
As you celebrate the life of Jay Rivera, your coach and my son, I want to tell you how much your kind and thoughtful words and actions these past few weeks have meant to me and my family. For us as for you, this has been a most difficult time as we seek to understand and accept the tragic end to his life. We all ask ourselves “why”? The simple but hard-to-accept answer is that the problems that plagued the final years of Jay’s life became too much for him to deal with any longer.
But rather than dwell on this personal tragedy, I would have you focus on celebrating the joy in his life. My son loved gymnastics; from the moment the barely-four-year-old boy asked his older sister’s dance and gymnastic coach if he could try tricks the class had just demonstrated for admiring parents, to the day he led his University of Illinois, Chicago Men’s Gymnastics team to victory and achieved a life-time best all-around score, to that time on Saturday, March 22, 2008 when his Excel Boys Team won the Alaska State Championship, my son loved gymnastics. As an adult, this was transformed into a love for teaching gymnastics to beginner classes and competitive teams. He found his joy and fulfillment in teaching gymnastics. My family and I would like to thank you for being an important part of this dimension of his life.
As a teacher, I believe that there are some lessons to be learned from Jay’s experiences. I would like you to take away from your time with my son, the example he gave you about loving what you do and doing your best at it. But, you should also learn from Jay’s life that poor choices can have tragic consequences. I am certain that he never thought that the choices he made as a teenager or young adult would lead him to such a sad end.
My family and I have read the many positive comments posted on the “In Memory of Coach Jay” website as well those found on local newspaper internet sites. Your words have provided solace in our time of sorrow. They have reminded us that despite his problems he had found good friends in Alaska. And they have helped us recall the many happy memories we have of Jay. Thank you for your kindnesses.
Gratefully,
Paul R. Rivera
Friday, April 11, 2008
Life is missing so much!
I was at the gym tonight just like I am every Friday and things are so different..... I am not too sure if it is just the absence of Coach Jay! It is the lull in everyone around there. I have all the expectations that I had when Jay was there and for whatever reason things are still soooo strange. There is a void in the gym NO DOUBT about it. It is like everyone just smiles at each other and they drop their child off and leave. I am not too sure what I am trying to say except my heart and my soul are missing so much without Coach Jay here. I know that he is looking down on me thinking "Why are you being so crazy Heather it is not like we were best friends!!!" However even I had NO IDEA how much he meant to me. I have so many things that are bothering me like that my brother NEVER came to the gym to see E workout with Jay and not that he can't come but it will never be the same for me. While I was there trying to figure out why things were soooo different in everything and everyone I realized that I hate change.... Maybe that is what it is for so many. I had no control over the things that have changed and I do not like that powerless feeling. I just keep hoping that things will get back to normal however I have to realize that this weirdness will become the norm and I hate that. I miss Jay way more then I would have ever thought that I would and I have gone through so many things like anger pure sadness and blaming everyone else...... Now I am just really really bummed that I lost a Hero before I ever even knew that he was a hero to me and so I never told him he was a real Hero to not only me but my family. This has effected every aspect of my life I finally sent out the cards to my close friends to tell them how much they mean to me (something I have been meaning to do for a year) I have cleaned and re organized everything around here, and I have tried to be more thoughtful to people I see out in public (smile even if they don't, make a silly joke) then when I really think about all of it in a huge big picture I realize that Jay was sooooo much more then the guy I saw at the gym, the coach to my son, he was one of my Hero's and he always will be forever. I will never forget him and I sure hope that my life will be stronger for the time I had with him and I will tell people how much they mean. I know that I am ranting not making much sense but oh well that is what this blog is all about for me ....... I miss you Jay!
I still can't believe...
that Jay is gone and that this is what he wanted. The more time passes the less it makes sense. Things don't add up. Stories and reports contradict. Maybe it is my heart trying to confuse my brain, but I simply can't accept it.
It is as if he walked to the edge of a cliff and thought about jumping. But before he could finish his internal struggle, he tripped, or maybe he was pushed. Either way, it was he who put himself next to the cliff and I have to hold him responsible for that. But that is all that my heart and my mind will allow.
It is simply tragic.
And in all the great tragedies, the hero dies. He is never perfect, but there is something wonderful and compelling about him that makes him loved and admired. He has a vitality that makes him real, so real that it is often too much for his antagonists to bear.
Simultaneously, the hero has that fatal flaw that inevitably leads to his end. That vital force that drives him to excellence cannot tolerate anything less, especially in himself.
So as our hero faces his mortality and the fallen nature of humanity, his next action becomes irrelevant. Because the sword that scratched him had already been dipped in poison. The message about the apothecary's potion never arrived. And we watched helplessly as the hero's body was dragged behind the warrior's chariot.
Fate intervened and this is what Fate allowed.
When Jay put on that red shirt he could not have known how the day would unfold. How could he have foreseen that he would be surrounded by 12 police officers? He couldn't have. No, that red shirt has another meaning. It is symbolic, for sure, but it's meaning eludes me.
Perhaps I need to accept, that only the Author knows.
It is as if he walked to the edge of a cliff and thought about jumping. But before he could finish his internal struggle, he tripped, or maybe he was pushed. Either way, it was he who put himself next to the cliff and I have to hold him responsible for that. But that is all that my heart and my mind will allow.
It is simply tragic.
And in all the great tragedies, the hero dies. He is never perfect, but there is something wonderful and compelling about him that makes him loved and admired. He has a vitality that makes him real, so real that it is often too much for his antagonists to bear.
Simultaneously, the hero has that fatal flaw that inevitably leads to his end. That vital force that drives him to excellence cannot tolerate anything less, especially in himself.
So as our hero faces his mortality and the fallen nature of humanity, his next action becomes irrelevant. Because the sword that scratched him had already been dipped in poison. The message about the apothecary's potion never arrived. And we watched helplessly as the hero's body was dragged behind the warrior's chariot.
Fate intervened and this is what Fate allowed.
When Jay put on that red shirt he could not have known how the day would unfold. How could he have foreseen that he would be surrounded by 12 police officers? He couldn't have. No, that red shirt has another meaning. It is symbolic, for sure, but it's meaning eludes me.
Perhaps I need to accept, that only the Author knows.
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